Weekends, especially Sundays are a day of college applications. Essays, transcripts, soul searching, legal forms, the list is endless. One time, I spent a whole weekend searching the web for addresses and making labels for teacher recommendations. I found myself thinking, “College better we worth it." All joking aside, college applications have been a large portion of my life lately.
Most of my time spent on college applications is the essays portion. Who knew it could take months to write the perfect 250 words? At first I found the process tedious and often frustrating. I thought the prompts were the most boring prompts and the admissions officers were just shooting themselves in the foot by assigning them because in the end they would be the ones reading the essays. But as I spent more time figuring out what to write about, I realized that these essays were for my benefit as much as they were for the admissions officers. Of course the whole point was “to show my personality and voice through writing so admissions could get to know me better,” but for me it has also been a time to get to know myself better. Some prompts ask me to give two words that describe myself others ask about the evolution of my academic interests. Wait what? I would never doubt knowing who I am, but I never had to explain myself, in words, to others so it has been quite a task.
While trying to eloquently describe myself in an essay is a long process, it has been an even longer process finding what about myself it is that I want the admissions officers to know. Do I want them to know me as a studious student? A fun student? A hardworking student?
Another common prompt is what my values are, how they formed and how they have changed throughout the years. Until recently I had never sat down and thought of my values. Of course I value life, humanity, integrity, justice as so on but what do I really value? This essay is one that I have yet to attack, but questions like these have helped me find out more about myself, and made me think about myself in tangible words. Maybe college essays aren’t all just torture.
10.03.2010
8.26.2010
Senior Year
Wow, senior year already?
A tradition at NCSSM is a ceremony called Convocation. All of the students dress in their best dresses, shirts and ties; and the faculty and staff dress in their academic regalia. We all gather in the auditorium and listen to speakers mark the official beginning of the year. All very formal. At my junior convocation, I remember feeling energized and challenged to do my best at a new school, but this year was different.
We had an amazing speaker, Geeta Patel, who spoke to us about finding what motivates and pulls us; everyone looked great; we had a fun filled reception; and pretty much everything was the same. Except afterwards, when the seniors gathered around with smudged make up and pajamas, we said, “that was our last convocation.” And then there was silence.
We finally realized that we really are seniors. And we finally realized what being a senior meant. We now had juniors that looked up to us, the stress of college applications, the excitement of near-freedom, and many other feelings. But we also had a sorrowful feeling. We realized that from here on out, everything and everyday would be a last.
Our conversation continued,
“When we graduate, we technically don’t have to go to school anymore.”
“Can you remember when we didn’t have to go to school? When we were 4?”
“No.”
We realized that pretty much our whole lives were related to school and the feeling that technically we wouldn’t have to go anymore was in a way, scary! Of course all of the high-achieving NCSSM students will continue their educations, but it was still different. From here on out, everything was our choice. We chose which school to go to, what to major in, what to do during the summers, everything!
We then went on trying to cheer ourselves up. After all, we were now SENIORS!!! I hope senior year brings so much more fun and so many more new discoveries. I hope that the happy feelings will out number the nervous feelings. And I also hope, that this year is the longest year ever.
A tradition at NCSSM is a ceremony called Convocation. All of the students dress in their best dresses, shirts and ties; and the faculty and staff dress in their academic regalia. We all gather in the auditorium and listen to speakers mark the official beginning of the year. All very formal. At my junior convocation, I remember feeling energized and challenged to do my best at a new school, but this year was different.
We had an amazing speaker, Geeta Patel, who spoke to us about finding what motivates and pulls us; everyone looked great; we had a fun filled reception; and pretty much everything was the same. Except afterwards, when the seniors gathered around with smudged make up and pajamas, we said, “that was our last convocation.” And then there was silence.
We finally realized that we really are seniors. And we finally realized what being a senior meant. We now had juniors that looked up to us, the stress of college applications, the excitement of near-freedom, and many other feelings. But we also had a sorrowful feeling. We realized that from here on out, everything and everyday would be a last.
Our conversation continued,
“When we graduate, we technically don’t have to go to school anymore.”
“Can you remember when we didn’t have to go to school? When we were 4?”
“No.”
We realized that pretty much our whole lives were related to school and the feeling that technically we wouldn’t have to go anymore was in a way, scary! Of course all of the high-achieving NCSSM students will continue their educations, but it was still different. From here on out, everything was our choice. We chose which school to go to, what to major in, what to do during the summers, everything!
We then went on trying to cheer ourselves up. After all, we were now SENIORS!!! I hope senior year brings so much more fun and so many more new discoveries. I hope that the happy feelings will out number the nervous feelings. And I also hope, that this year is the longest year ever.
8.09.2010
RECAP_Afterwards
Although it has been a while since RECAP has ended, I have still been in the research process. Part of the program is writing a full research paper and now that I finished my part in the lab, I have to write up my results. I have been writing my paper, which has been kind of stressful, but I am learning the whole process.
Another part of RECAP was presenting our findings at the end of the 3 weeks. This presentation was in front of the other students, parents, and professors. I had never done anything like this before so I was extremely nervous. As I made my slides I didn’t know what parts to emphasize and which to just mention. As I tried to think of what to say my mind was always blank. Before the actual symposium I had a couple practice rounds but on the actually day, my hands would not stop shaking. I knew I didn’t want to read off of a prepared speech, so I only had ideas in my head. When I went up to do my presentation, I felt unusually calm. Then I turned around to face my audience... I wasn’t calm anymore. But I had to start anyways.
As I started the nerves started to go away. After my presentation it felt so rewarding. I had answered all of my questions and although the nerves showed in my speech because I had talked fast, I had delivered everything I had intended to. I am not sure if I enjoyed presenting, but I know that the feeling afterwards was very rewarding.
After everything, I learned that I really enjoy doing research and working in the lab. I also learned that one question leads to another and once you start, there are endless questions you want to learn more about. I want to keep researching in college so that has also been an important factor in my college search.
Another part of RECAP was presenting our findings at the end of the 3 weeks. This presentation was in front of the other students, parents, and professors. I had never done anything like this before so I was extremely nervous. As I made my slides I didn’t know what parts to emphasize and which to just mention. As I tried to think of what to say my mind was always blank. Before the actual symposium I had a couple practice rounds but on the actually day, my hands would not stop shaking. I knew I didn’t want to read off of a prepared speech, so I only had ideas in my head. When I went up to do my presentation, I felt unusually calm. Then I turned around to face my audience... I wasn’t calm anymore. But I had to start anyways.
As I started the nerves started to go away. After my presentation it felt so rewarding. I had answered all of my questions and although the nerves showed in my speech because I had talked fast, I had delivered everything I had intended to. I am not sure if I enjoyed presenting, but I know that the feeling afterwards was very rewarding.
After everything, I learned that I really enjoy doing research and working in the lab. I also learned that one question leads to another and once you start, there are endless questions you want to learn more about. I want to keep researching in college so that has also been an important factor in my college search.
7.24.2010
A Year of Memories_Junior-Senior Siblings
This NCSSM event happened earlier in the year, but it seems appropriate to write about it sooner than later.
For the past several years, the NCSSM student body has organized a senior-junior sibling program. The administrators have nothing to do with this, which makes the program kind of special. To make the mix diverse, juniors and seniors are paired with people of the opposite sex. The job of doing the pairings is passed down each year and the students interested have to fill out an “application” explain their likes and dislikes and interests.
My senior brother and I adopted (rather than paired) each other during the summer because we were both too lazy to fill out the application. We talked during the summer about what type of people we were, what we liked, how we had gotten along in school, and everything else. I told him how I was nervous about the school and he gave me tips and helpful advice. He told me how to arrange my schedule so I wouldn’t be overloaded with stress. We talked all summer via chat and quickly became siblings.
Then we moved in. At the first picnic dinner, we finally met each other in person, and boy was it awkward. It was weird how two people could talk about so much through the internet, but then have to learn to become friends in real life. But as we talked things quickly became normal and he dragged me around campus introducing me to all of his friends. We went out to lunch and he taught me the ins and outs of the school.
As school started we both became busy and didn’t keep in contact as much, but it was always nice knowing that there was someone you could go to. When I became home sick, he told me how my parents would always be there for me no matter where I lived. When exams rolled around, he cheered me on as I went through my textbooks.
He may not know this, but I really looked up to my senior brother last year. That is partly why I decided to be a part of the program this year. This year, I decided to not be lazy and actually apply. Today, I was given my junior brother. And like last year, we talked about schedules and the workload, and our future interests. It was a little awkward today since we were kind of thrown together, but I am excited for a fun year with my junior brother.
We’ll see what this year holds! Oh, and also, wish me luck! I have no idea what a senior sister is supposed to do!
For the past several years, the NCSSM student body has organized a senior-junior sibling program. The administrators have nothing to do with this, which makes the program kind of special. To make the mix diverse, juniors and seniors are paired with people of the opposite sex. The job of doing the pairings is passed down each year and the students interested have to fill out an “application” explain their likes and dislikes and interests.
My senior brother and I adopted (rather than paired) each other during the summer because we were both too lazy to fill out the application. We talked during the summer about what type of people we were, what we liked, how we had gotten along in school, and everything else. I told him how I was nervous about the school and he gave me tips and helpful advice. He told me how to arrange my schedule so I wouldn’t be overloaded with stress. We talked all summer via chat and quickly became siblings.
Then we moved in. At the first picnic dinner, we finally met each other in person, and boy was it awkward. It was weird how two people could talk about so much through the internet, but then have to learn to become friends in real life. But as we talked things quickly became normal and he dragged me around campus introducing me to all of his friends. We went out to lunch and he taught me the ins and outs of the school.
As school started we both became busy and didn’t keep in contact as much, but it was always nice knowing that there was someone you could go to. When I became home sick, he told me how my parents would always be there for me no matter where I lived. When exams rolled around, he cheered me on as I went through my textbooks.
He may not know this, but I really looked up to my senior brother last year. That is partly why I decided to be a part of the program this year. This year, I decided to not be lazy and actually apply. Today, I was given my junior brother. And like last year, we talked about schedules and the workload, and our future interests. It was a little awkward today since we were kind of thrown together, but I am excited for a fun year with my junior brother.
We’ll see what this year holds! Oh, and also, wish me luck! I have no idea what a senior sister is supposed to do!
A Year of Memories_Junior-Senior Siblings
This NCSSM event happened earlier in the year, but it seems appropriate to write about it sooner than later.
For the past several years, the NCSSM student body has organized a senior-junior sibling program. The administrators have nothing to do with this, which makes the program kind of special. To make the mix diverse, juniors and seniors are paired with people of the opposite sex. The job of doing the pairings is passed down each year and the students interested have to fill out an “application” explain their likes and dislikes and interests.
My senior brother and I adopted (rather than paired) each other during the summer because we were both too lazy to fill out the application. We talked during the summer about what type of people we were, what we liked, how we had gotten along in school, and everything else. I told him how I was nervous about the school and he gave me tips and helpful advice. He told me how to arrange my schedule so I wouldn’t be overloaded with stress. We talked all summer via chat and quickly became siblings.
Then we moved in. At the first picnic dinner, we finally met each other in person, and boy was it awkward. It was weird how two people could talk about so much through the internet, but then have to learn to become friends in real life. But as we talked things quickly became normal and he dragged me around campus introducing me to all of his friends. We went out to lunch and he taught me the ins and outs of the school.
As school started we both became busy and didn’t keep in contact as much, but it was always nice knowing that there was someone you could go to. When I became home sick, he told me how my parents would always be there for me no matter where I lived. When exams rolled around, he cheered me on as I went through my textbooks.
He may not know this, but I really looked up to my senior brother last year. That is partly why I decided to be a part of the program this year. This year, I decided to not be lazy and actually apply. Today, I was given my junior brother. And like last year, we talked about schedules and the workload, and our future interests. It was a little awkward today since we were kind of thrown together, but I am excited for a fun year with my junior brother.
We’ll see what this year holds! Oh, and also, wish me luck! I have no idea what a senior sister is supposed to do!
For the past several years, the NCSSM student body has organized a senior-junior sibling program. The administrators have nothing to do with this, which makes the program kind of special. To make the mix diverse, juniors and seniors are paired with people of the opposite sex. The job of doing the pairings is passed down each year and the students interested have to fill out an “application” explain their likes and dislikes and interests.
My senior brother and I adopted (rather than paired) each other during the summer because we were both too lazy to fill out the application. We talked during the summer about what type of people we were, what we liked, how we had gotten along in school, and everything else. I told him how I was nervous about the school and he gave me tips and helpful advice. He told me how to arrange my schedule so I wouldn’t be overloaded with stress. We talked all summer via chat and quickly became siblings.
Then we moved in. At the first picnic dinner, we finally met each other in person, and boy was it awkward. It was weird how two people could talk about so much through the internet, but then have to learn to become friends in real life. But as we talked things quickly became normal and he dragged me around campus introducing me to all of his friends. We went out to lunch and he taught me the ins and outs of the school.
As school started we both became busy and didn’t keep in contact as much, but it was always nice knowing that there was someone you could go to. When I became home sick, he told me how my parents would always be there for me no matter where I lived. When exams rolled around, he cheered me on as I went through my textbooks.
He may not know this, but I really looked up to my senior brother last year. That is partly why I decided to be a part of the program this year. This year, I decided to not be lazy and actually apply. Today, I was given my junior brother. And like last year, we talked about schedules and the workload, and our future interests. It was a little awkward today since we were kind of thrown together, but I am excited for a fun year with my junior brother.
We’ll see what this year holds! Oh, and also, wish me luck! I have no idea what a senior sister is supposed to do!
7.17.2010
RECAP_Week 1
Today I finished my first week at RECAP. I went to UNC’s chemistry lab from 8:30 to 4:30 every day and had information poured into me like never before. In just the past 5 days, I have learned so much about organic chemistry and the processes in a chemistry lab.
The first couple days I felt overwhelmed and kind of useless in the lab because all I did was ask questions, but as time went on, I knew how to use some of the equipment and knew what was happening. This week I worked on several reactions so that in the end I could create a cyclopropane. Cyclopropanes are useful because they have both a positive and negative end so they react with many other compounds. Also, the compounds they create can be used as pharmaceuticals and other biological products.
Friday I discovered that what I had been working on did not work, and that I hadn’t created any cyclopropanes, but my graduate student told me that this happens often in the lab. Next week I will be working on more reactions and hopefully be getting good results.
The experience so far has been so much fun. The part I enjoyed most about my chemistry class was the lab work, and I’m glad that I’m getting to spend so much time in the lab. I feel very independent being away from home, having to find my own meals and various other things. This is a totally different experience from going to NCSSM because I have my own schedule and there is very little supervision.
We’ll see what the next weeks have in store and hopefully, there will be good results in the lab!
The first couple days I felt overwhelmed and kind of useless in the lab because all I did was ask questions, but as time went on, I knew how to use some of the equipment and knew what was happening. This week I worked on several reactions so that in the end I could create a cyclopropane. Cyclopropanes are useful because they have both a positive and negative end so they react with many other compounds. Also, the compounds they create can be used as pharmaceuticals and other biological products.
Friday I discovered that what I had been working on did not work, and that I hadn’t created any cyclopropanes, but my graduate student told me that this happens often in the lab. Next week I will be working on more reactions and hopefully be getting good results.
The experience so far has been so much fun. The part I enjoyed most about my chemistry class was the lab work, and I’m glad that I’m getting to spend so much time in the lab. I feel very independent being away from home, having to find my own meals and various other things. This is a totally different experience from going to NCSSM because I have my own schedule and there is very little supervision.
We’ll see what the next weeks have in store and hopefully, there will be good results in the lab!
7.11.2010
RECAP_Day 1
RECAP (Research Experience in Chemistry and Physics) is a summer program for rising seniors that NCSSM coordinates. Glaxo in North Carolina funds this program, and it allows students to do graduate level research. I was chosen to do research in chemistry with Dr. Jeff Johnson at UNC-Chapel Hill.
Today we all moved in, back to the NCSSM campus, and this was an exciting event. I not only got put on a hall different from the hall I live at, but I get to use a double room all by myself. This means I have two desks, two dressers, and two closets. After my parents helped me unpack, I went to a quick meeting where we discussed the basic schedule of the camp and deadlines for our research. This is when I realized how independent we were and it was pretty much like any college or graduate student work.
Now I am in my new room, with no schedule until tomorrow morning. I could go off campus, study, start writing my paper, just surf the internet, or just go to bed. With all this time on my hands I feel like I should spend my time wisely this summer so I have been making a schedule of how I will be spending my time. I am planning on studying for SAT subject tests, reading the bible, and starting my college applications. We’ll see how this goes.
I am also very excited for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we will be going to my professor’s lab and starting my research. I am nervous to be working in an actual college lab, but excited to see what I will be doing.
Today we all moved in, back to the NCSSM campus, and this was an exciting event. I not only got put on a hall different from the hall I live at, but I get to use a double room all by myself. This means I have two desks, two dressers, and two closets. After my parents helped me unpack, I went to a quick meeting where we discussed the basic schedule of the camp and deadlines for our research. This is when I realized how independent we were and it was pretty much like any college or graduate student work.
Now I am in my new room, with no schedule until tomorrow morning. I could go off campus, study, start writing my paper, just surf the internet, or just go to bed. With all this time on my hands I feel like I should spend my time wisely this summer so I have been making a schedule of how I will be spending my time. I am planning on studying for SAT subject tests, reading the bible, and starting my college applications. We’ll see how this goes.
I am also very excited for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we will be going to my professor’s lab and starting my research. I am nervous to be working in an actual college lab, but excited to see what I will be doing.
7.07.2010
A Year of Memories_Speech and Debate
Ever since I was little, I enjoyed my share of time on stage. I had been in countless violin, piano and ballet recitals since I was 5. I enjoyed being in musicals and plays. And I was even a varsity cheerleader. But when I decided to join the speech and debate seminar, that, made my stomach churn over and over. Why I decided to join this seminar, I don’t remember. But I did. And every Tuesday evening was a huge challenge for me.
I knew how to project my voice from cheerleading and I had gotten over stage freight from my many recitals. But public speaking was something else. In speech and debate, we did exercises that helped us speak boldly and confidently, we did mock debates that helped us think quickly on our feet, we also watched speeches to learn tips on public speaking. A whole trimester of these exercises should have helped me get over my fear of public speaking, but I still have it. But I don’t think I didn’t learn anything from this seminar; rather I have a new bit of confidence knowing that I have all the tools of good public speaking somewhere under my belt. Also, I now know that I have a weakness in public speaking and I will constantly try to get better at it.
Another confidence this experience gave me was that I learned how to distinguish what I enjoyed and what was good for me. Because my mom wasn’t there to do it, I had to force myself to go every Tuesday. But after I came back I felt accomplished for even just going. I always had fun at the seminars, so I’m not sure why the next Tuesday I didn’t want to go. After the seminar was over, I feel like overcoming such a challenge helped me mature because I learned that sometimes I need to battle with myself to make myself a better person. I also learned that battles with myself are much harder than with, say my mom, because I could always talk myself out of something. After all, I was only on person and one half of my body could drag the other half to the seminar. Speech and debate was a difficult experience, but I learned so many things, some things unrelated to speech and debate itself.
I knew how to project my voice from cheerleading and I had gotten over stage freight from my many recitals. But public speaking was something else. In speech and debate, we did exercises that helped us speak boldly and confidently, we did mock debates that helped us think quickly on our feet, we also watched speeches to learn tips on public speaking. A whole trimester of these exercises should have helped me get over my fear of public speaking, but I still have it. But I don’t think I didn’t learn anything from this seminar; rather I have a new bit of confidence knowing that I have all the tools of good public speaking somewhere under my belt. Also, I now know that I have a weakness in public speaking and I will constantly try to get better at it.
Another confidence this experience gave me was that I learned how to distinguish what I enjoyed and what was good for me. Because my mom wasn’t there to do it, I had to force myself to go every Tuesday. But after I came back I felt accomplished for even just going. I always had fun at the seminars, so I’m not sure why the next Tuesday I didn’t want to go. After the seminar was over, I feel like overcoming such a challenge helped me mature because I learned that sometimes I need to battle with myself to make myself a better person. I also learned that battles with myself are much harder than with, say my mom, because I could always talk myself out of something. After all, I was only on person and one half of my body could drag the other half to the seminar. Speech and debate was a difficult experience, but I learned so many things, some things unrelated to speech and debate itself.
7.06.2010
A Year of Memories_Extended Weekends
A big part of the NCSSM life is the time spent away from the school, extended weekends. Extendeds happen about every 3 weeks and it is an extended weekend, meaning we get one extra day in our weekend to go home. Every time I got back from an extended the count down to the next extended would begin. And for me, if there was an extended that week, I had an overflow of energy just because I was excited to go home.
Although I loved the weekend with my new friends at NCSSM, family and friends time is always needed. Whenever I came back for the extended weekends, I would either go to a basketball game, go out for movies and ice cream, or just go out to dinner.
Before my first extended I was very nervous that something would be awkward with my friends because I hadn’t seen them in a while. But I’m glad I was proved wrong. When I got back from school I had just enough time to go to the last half of a home football game. I was greeted by my friends and many hugs. I then knew that my friends had not forgotten about me and that we were still best friends. After the game I went to the dance and we all forgot that I now went to a different school. My friends and I got to talk about everything and they constantly asked me for more and more stories about my new school.
After my first extended, I was always excited to go back and see my friends again. Some extendeds I went to watch a movie with my friends, and some weekends they would just come over and talk about every aspect of life. No matter what we did, the fact that I lived 5 hours away was always forgotten. Whenever I came back to school after the extended, I was always thankful for my friends and parents for always being there for me.
Extended weekends. Always too far away, and always too short, but always needed. I cannot even put into words how much excitement extends bring to me, but I know that everyone who has been through NCSSM knows the extended weekend feeling.
Although I loved the weekend with my new friends at NCSSM, family and friends time is always needed. Whenever I came back for the extended weekends, I would either go to a basketball game, go out for movies and ice cream, or just go out to dinner.
Before my first extended I was very nervous that something would be awkward with my friends because I hadn’t seen them in a while. But I’m glad I was proved wrong. When I got back from school I had just enough time to go to the last half of a home football game. I was greeted by my friends and many hugs. I then knew that my friends had not forgotten about me and that we were still best friends. After the game I went to the dance and we all forgot that I now went to a different school. My friends and I got to talk about everything and they constantly asked me for more and more stories about my new school.
After my first extended, I was always excited to go back and see my friends again. Some extendeds I went to watch a movie with my friends, and some weekends they would just come over and talk about every aspect of life. No matter what we did, the fact that I lived 5 hours away was always forgotten. Whenever I came back to school after the extended, I was always thankful for my friends and parents for always being there for me.
Extended weekends. Always too far away, and always too short, but always needed. I cannot even put into words how much excitement extends bring to me, but I know that everyone who has been through NCSSM knows the extended weekend feeling.
7.02.2010
A Year of Memories_Ups and Downs
The next few weeks were the craziest ups and downs I’ve ever been through. After every class I came to my room balling my eyes out ready to go back home. But after every fun activity with my roommates, hallmates and new friends, I got my confidence and excitement back.
Weekends were the best part. There were endless dances and mixers. There were late nights of watching movies and eating ice cream with the girls, early morning expeditions to get coffee, and many exciting things.
Then there were the weekdays. There were still late nights, but usually with textbooks and flashcards. And there were still early mornings, but it was expeditions of rushing to finish homework. I earned my first failing grades these weeks and I also pulled a couple all nighters.
But I also had some of the greatest sense of accomplishments. Whenever I took a test, regardless of the final grade, I felt accomplished. I had studied as much as I could, read as many pages as possible, memorized everything that went into my brain, and I had done my absolute best on the test. After a test, just knowing that I had simply understood the material made me happy.
During these weeks I also realized why I enjoyed learning. It obviously wasn’t because I was good at it; I was no longer an A student. It wasn’t because learning was always fun; sometimes I had to just sit there and read a textbook. I learned that I enjoyed learning because I liked that I could figure out new things on my own, with the help of my teachers, and that I was become more knowledgeable.
I also learned what success was. Or rather, I learned how to define success for myself. I realized that grades, SAT scores, and numbers of volunteer hours weren’t everything. True they are all very important, but I realized that those were all other people’s ratings of success on me. I had to form my own and rate my own success. This led me to set my priorities and think about what truly mattered to me. This was a very humbling experience because I realized that others mattered much more than I did. I realized that sometimes it wasn’t always about how I felt or what I wanted, but how to could be there for my family and friends.
More of what I learned is to come...
Weekends were the best part. There were endless dances and mixers. There were late nights of watching movies and eating ice cream with the girls, early morning expeditions to get coffee, and many exciting things.
Then there were the weekdays. There were still late nights, but usually with textbooks and flashcards. And there were still early mornings, but it was expeditions of rushing to finish homework. I earned my first failing grades these weeks and I also pulled a couple all nighters.
But I also had some of the greatest sense of accomplishments. Whenever I took a test, regardless of the final grade, I felt accomplished. I had studied as much as I could, read as many pages as possible, memorized everything that went into my brain, and I had done my absolute best on the test. After a test, just knowing that I had simply understood the material made me happy.
During these weeks I also realized why I enjoyed learning. It obviously wasn’t because I was good at it; I was no longer an A student. It wasn’t because learning was always fun; sometimes I had to just sit there and read a textbook. I learned that I enjoyed learning because I liked that I could figure out new things on my own, with the help of my teachers, and that I was become more knowledgeable.
I also learned what success was. Or rather, I learned how to define success for myself. I realized that grades, SAT scores, and numbers of volunteer hours weren’t everything. True they are all very important, but I realized that those were all other people’s ratings of success on me. I had to form my own and rate my own success. This led me to set my priorities and think about what truly mattered to me. This was a very humbling experience because I realized that others mattered much more than I did. I realized that sometimes it wasn’t always about how I felt or what I wanted, but how to could be there for my family and friends.
More of what I learned is to come...
7.01.2010
A Year of Memories_First Day of Class
Tuesday morning I got up and put on the outfit I had carefully planned the night before. Today was another day of first impressions. First day of class!
My first class, Junior Student life. After a round of name games and introductions, we went over the syllabus. We were going to do some readings, journal entries, and a final project. This class seemed pretty straightforward. I knew I could handle it just fine.
After class I raced off to find my next classroom. Watts 055? American Studies was a joint class of US History and Junior English. We were given a syllabus and went over how the class would work and what assignments were due when. We also played a name game to learn each other’s names. Our class was full of dynamic people and both of our professors were very enthusiastic. This made me excited too.
Next was chorale. I was slightly nervous because it had been a while since my last chorus class, but quickly got over it. We went over a few warm ups, learned correct posture and breathing, and got some music that we would perform later on. Our director was very easy going and had very original ideas. This class would be very fun, I already knew.
Then came lunch. I ate with my hall mates and talked about our classes so far. This was just like my old school. I could manage this new life
Afterwards, I grabbed my calculator and went to AP Calculus. When our professor walked in, he handed us the syllabi and began teaching. Teaching? What? We all rushed to get our notebooks out and started scribbling everything down. I soon realized that I understood nothing. I had taken Pre-calculus a while ago, but I couldn’t even follow. Was I in the right class? What was going on? I decided to take as much notes as possible and I would have to learn everything tonight.
I had never struggled in a math class. Feeling dazed and a little less optimistic I walked to AP Chemistry. I had never taken chemistry before... why I was in an AP class? But hopefully I would have some talent in chemistry. When the professor walked in, she handed us the syllabi, quickly went through how the class would work and started a power point. Mass and matter, check. SI units, check. Sigfigs... whats that? Nomenclature, no! go back! I stopped taking notes and just sat there. Words flowing in one ear and out the other. I had 20 minutes left. 20 long minutes of holding back tears.
Why couldn’t I understand? What if I wasn’t smart enough for this place. I would have wasted so much of my parents’ time for just coming here. I didn’t know what to do. After class I ran back to my room and started bawling. This had been the worst first day. And I had already been through 11 others. This is how I started my first day at NCSSM. But, to be continued...
My first class, Junior Student life. After a round of name games and introductions, we went over the syllabus. We were going to do some readings, journal entries, and a final project. This class seemed pretty straightforward. I knew I could handle it just fine.
After class I raced off to find my next classroom. Watts 055? American Studies was a joint class of US History and Junior English. We were given a syllabus and went over how the class would work and what assignments were due when. We also played a name game to learn each other’s names. Our class was full of dynamic people and both of our professors were very enthusiastic. This made me excited too.
Next was chorale. I was slightly nervous because it had been a while since my last chorus class, but quickly got over it. We went over a few warm ups, learned correct posture and breathing, and got some music that we would perform later on. Our director was very easy going and had very original ideas. This class would be very fun, I already knew.
Then came lunch. I ate with my hall mates and talked about our classes so far. This was just like my old school. I could manage this new life
Afterwards, I grabbed my calculator and went to AP Calculus. When our professor walked in, he handed us the syllabi and began teaching. Teaching? What? We all rushed to get our notebooks out and started scribbling everything down. I soon realized that I understood nothing. I had taken Pre-calculus a while ago, but I couldn’t even follow. Was I in the right class? What was going on? I decided to take as much notes as possible and I would have to learn everything tonight.
I had never struggled in a math class. Feeling dazed and a little less optimistic I walked to AP Chemistry. I had never taken chemistry before... why I was in an AP class? But hopefully I would have some talent in chemistry. When the professor walked in, she handed us the syllabi, quickly went through how the class would work and started a power point. Mass and matter, check. SI units, check. Sigfigs... whats that? Nomenclature, no! go back! I stopped taking notes and just sat there. Words flowing in one ear and out the other. I had 20 minutes left. 20 long minutes of holding back tears.
Why couldn’t I understand? What if I wasn’t smart enough for this place. I would have wasted so much of my parents’ time for just coming here. I didn’t know what to do. After class I ran back to my room and started bawling. This had been the worst first day. And I had already been through 11 others. This is how I started my first day at NCSSM. But, to be continued...
6.30.2010
A Year of Memories_First Weekend
After all of my belongings found their new homes in my new room, the “Triple” set off for a long weekend of smiling activities. What I mean is, we attended a number of activities that forced us to smile and make small talk with our new class members. Dances, picnics, ice cream socials, ice breaking activities, and even just time in the cafeteria. All this time was designed for us to meet new people and learn names that we would forget in the next minute.
Thinking back, I wonder how my introverted personality survived that weekend of outgoing hellos. But I have a feeling all of the shyness was left behind because everyone had gone into survival mode. All 320 of us were in a new environment knowing almost no one. We quickly realized that we would have to spend the next two years here, not as just a school, but a home and community. So we would all have to find our niches, no outcasts. So we all fought to find friends. Small talk became under cover interviews and we weeded through the other 319 students to find our best friend.
While trying to find our friends, we also had to sell ourselves. In a matter of minutes, we had to show the other person how great of a person we were. This weekend was full of first impressions. And we all did our best to make them good impressions. This caused us to really figure out who we were. In order to sum up our best traits in 5 minutes, we had to know what our good qualities were. We also had to figure out what types of friends we wanted because our friends took part in defining us.
Although this weekend was hectic and scattered, many of us learned one of the most important things, who we are and how we define ourselves. For me this was a huge confidence boost because I realized I was in control of my life. I learned that I was capable of deciding what type of person I wanted to be and changing myself, for the better.
Thinking back, I wonder how my introverted personality survived that weekend of outgoing hellos. But I have a feeling all of the shyness was left behind because everyone had gone into survival mode. All 320 of us were in a new environment knowing almost no one. We quickly realized that we would have to spend the next two years here, not as just a school, but a home and community. So we would all have to find our niches, no outcasts. So we all fought to find friends. Small talk became under cover interviews and we weeded through the other 319 students to find our best friend.
While trying to find our friends, we also had to sell ourselves. In a matter of minutes, we had to show the other person how great of a person we were. This weekend was full of first impressions. And we all did our best to make them good impressions. This caused us to really figure out who we were. In order to sum up our best traits in 5 minutes, we had to know what our good qualities were. We also had to figure out what types of friends we wanted because our friends took part in defining us.
Although this weekend was hectic and scattered, many of us learned one of the most important things, who we are and how we define ourselves. For me this was a huge confidence boost because I realized I was in control of my life. I learned that I was capable of deciding what type of person I wanted to be and changing myself, for the better.
6.29.2010
A Year of Memories_Move-In Day
On August 15 at 9 am. My parents and I were sitting in our car packed with boxes, clothes and endless plastic bags. We were stalling in the parking lot waiting for the “okay” to start unloading. Once the “okay” came, we started taking all of my belongings to the 2nd Bryan, my new “home”. I moved into a tiny room with two other girls, Annie and Grace. When I first saw them in the midst of all the bags and paper towels, I never even fathomed how close we would become, and how important they would become to me. For now, we were focused on finding a place for all of our belongings and making everything fit. After my parents helped me hang my clothes and build the last bookshelf, it was time for them to leave.
I had planned that I wouldn’t cry, since it would be like summer camp. I would see them in 3 weeks when I went home, and I could video chat with them whenever I wanted to. But when I walked them to the elevator and gave the final hugs, something felt weird inside. I was actually moving out of the house now. Even though I would go back for breaks, this new place would now be my “home” for the next year. Whether it was that feeling, or tears in my mom’s eyes, I felt a bubble growing in my throat so I decided to leave as quickly as possible. A quick hug for my mom, and an encouraging pat on the back from my dad, and they left.
After my parents went down the elevator, there were a few tears, but I remembered that I had to walk into a room, my room, with two other girls in it and I had to act mature. I had to prove to them, and myself, that I could handle moving out. And after all, the next few weeks would be full of first impressions and I was determined to make good ones.
5.31.2010
Final Exams
One of the most different things, as a high school, about NCSSM is that we have finals week much like a college. For a whole week, actually 4 days, there are nothing but exams and study periods. The exams are spaced out to three a day, and if you get lucky, you get one whole free day to do nothing! -- I mean, to study!--
First trimester, finals week was terrible. Obviously. 4 days of non stop cramming and testing is not appealing for anyone. I remember one day I even had a melt down and cried on the phone with my mom for a couple minutes. NCSSM academics is just so fast paced that trying to study for a whole trimester's worth of material is very overwhelming. And then there were the seniors. The seniors loved finals week. Because finals week means extra good food, no classes, no homework, sleep-ins, good food, and really good food. As a first trimester junior, I couldn't understand how they were studying and relaxing at the same time. I felt so unprepared and felt like I had wasted a whole trimester, and they felt so free and were excited to start the next trimester.
This week is finals week. And I am now a third trimester junior. After 2 tries, I have finally learned how to not have a melt down during finals week. The secret? Not falling behind during the trimester. And learning to calculate your predicted class grade before and after the exam.
We are two days into finals week and I am doing just fine. Of course there is that stressful, "I'm going to fail" feeling a couple hours before the exam, however, I feel much more prepared. As I study, rather than realizing how much I've missed in class due to daydreaming, I feel more and more confident about how much I actually know the material. This confidence has allowed me to slack off... slightly, and I should get back to studying, but it has also allowed me to keep from stressing out. The biggest thing I learned about finals, is that it is not just another way for teachers to torture you. Final exams are a way to prove to your professor how much you've learned. Knowing that before the trimester you knew nothing about the subject, and now knowing every detail about it, should be quite rewarding. Now back to studying to keep my record of a meltdown-less finals week...
3.06.2010
Discovery Day
I just got back from helping out with the school’s Discovery Day. Discovery Day is one of three days when all NCSSM applicants come on campus to tour the campus. to take a math and writing test and also to learn more information about the school. Senior leaders from Admissions, called Student Ambassadors, coordinate this day but any junior can come to help. I, wanting to be a future Student Ambassador, decided to help.
Last night I had lain in bed thinking about my Discovery Day last year, but today was a completely different experience. Last year I remember being extremely nervous. I was worried about the test I would have to take, the campus being large and confusing, and the questions I would have to strain to make up to ask the current students. This year, I was conversely very excited.
I started out my morning at 6:15, got ready, and stood out in the parking lot. Yes, outside. While outside, about 60 other juniors and I followed NCSSM tradition. Each morning of Discovery Day and any open houses, junior students go out and welcome every guest. "Welcome to Science and Math! Have a nice day!" So this morning we did the same. When I should have felt tired and cold, I felt anxious to meet the sophomores, and yes I was freezing, but that channeled into a positive energy and made me smile at each person walking by.
After everyone came in and registered, we held up colored sheets of paper with our group letters and lead our groups to each of their sessions. This may sound like a boring job, but while walking around campus with letters about our heads, we had many conversations with eager parents and edgy students. We answered questions about cafeteria food, workloads, and many other aspects of NCSSM life. I felt the sense of admiration from the visitors and at first this made me feel uncomfortable, but eventually I decided to let this feeling to serve as an award and compliment for my hard work and did my best to be friendly and welcoming and helpful for the students and parents.
Now I am absolutely exhausted. The word exhausted and developed a completely new meaning after this day. But I also feel regenerated and proud to be an NCSSM student. One student told me that she wanted to get into the school because she wanted to be with other students who were eager to learn but was also nervous because the school was so prestigious. I had heard all this from many people before I came here, but I actually understood what this meant today. I learned to be more thankful of the events that have happened in my life, and of all of the people who are supporting me. Today was not only a learning day for the applicants, but a learning and reflecting day for me as well.
2.12.2010
Home Sweet Home
Something I’ve learned at NCSSM is about homesickness. Although I prepared myself about leaving home ever since I thought about coming here, I never knew how much I would actually miss home. It might sound babyish to say that I just miss my parents, friends, and home. But there is no other way to explain it. At first I tried to blame it on the fact that I simply didn’t like NCSSM and that home was a much better place. But as time went on and I realized that it was not completely true, I decided I just had the case of none other than homesickness. The symptoms are very simple. You just miss everything and become nostalgic.
I’ve decided that this feeling isn’t anything to oppress because trying to hide it is not possible. With this new attitude I’ve realized that it is much easier to deal with homesickness. Whenever I feel down I can just find ways to make myself feel better and move on. When before I used to stress about my feelings and try to figure out what was happening to me. I’m still in the process of figuring things out, but I’m glad that I’m learning about living away from home now so that I can prepare for college and pretty much the future.
This feeling has also made me more thankful for my home and loving parents. Whenever I do go back during breaks or see my parents, I try to enjoy myself more and also be a better daughter for them. Eventhough I've learned what homesickness feels like, I've also learned to be thankful of the people most near me and those I has taken for granted most of my life. Thank you mom and dad.
1.24.2010
Learning everyday
Although I’ve learned to do titrations and the causes of each war, one of the most important things I’ve learned at NCSSM is why I get an education.
I remember absolutely hating NCSSM the first couple weeks. I didn’t understand anything in class and my grades were dropping everyday. I started to wondering, “why did I come to a school 300 miles away from my family just to get bad grades and not get sleep while the teachers didn’t even teach us properly?” After a few weeks I figured out that the teachers weren’t trying to pour knowledge into our brains and help us get into Ivy’s, they were trying to guide us in the right directions so we could learn for ourselves and find joy in learning.
For example, in calculus we were given a lab that told us to do these simple calculations. After a couple minutes of pointless math we started to figure out an easier method to use. I thought, “Why didn’t the teacher just tell us this in the first place?” At the end of the worksheet, we were told that the method we figured out was in fact the chain rule of derivatives. An actual rule that a mathematician had found hundreds of years ago. This gave me a great sense of accomplishment; I then realized what our teachers were doing.
This way of investigating the subject matter makes me much more eager to learn, which is, in the end, why I’m getting an education. Learning information and facts isn’t why I wake up and go to my classes every day; the pleasure I get from figuring things out and becoming more knowledgeable is.
1.16.2010
Independence
As I was thinking about my family and friends back home, I realized what people meant about becoming independent once you leave home. During the summer before I came to NCSSM when people told me that I would have to learn to be independent, I just let those words go in one ear and out the other. I thought as a mature young adult I was already very independent and self motivated.
I was thinking of all the times my friends and parents were there to console and motivate me. Often times I did not even have to tell them I needed help, we were just always together and they knew without me telling them. After coming here I realized that now, I was not just living alone, but so far away from them that if I wanted their help, I would have to reach out to them. The side of independence that I’m starting to learn is that I wont always have people waiting to help and comfort me, but rather I need to ask them and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am learning that I can no longer be as dependent on someone because of we’re physically apart. At the same time, I will always have people around me to support me, I just have to learn to reach out to them.
1.10.2010
Into the future
These past couple days, and especially during break, college and future careers have been continuously on my mind. It started with scheduling when to take the SATs and ACTs which lead to what colleges to apply to... that ultimately lead to the question of what career to pursue.
Thinking about careers has made me realize that I have such a wide range of interests. I suppose studying psychology would be fun, especially children’s psychology and how brains learn. I am also considering molecular biology so I can help with the human genome project. Economics has also caught my after beginning to read about current events in middle school and taking Civics and Economics.
After a while, I recognized that the more important question was what kind of impact I want to make in the world with my life. Do I want to save lives directly as a doctor? Do I want to teach others the joy of learning as a professor? Or do I want to do research and develop the modern world as a scientist? I believe this is a much harder question to answer. This gives me a perspective on not only my future jobs and schooling that I have to go through, but what kind of person I want to be and where I want to set my morals.
Thinking about careers has made me realize that I have such a wide range of interests. I suppose studying psychology would be fun, especially children’s psychology and how brains learn. I am also considering molecular biology so I can help with the human genome project. Economics has also caught my after beginning to read about current events in middle school and taking Civics and Economics.
After a while, I recognized that the more important question was what kind of impact I want to make in the world with my life. Do I want to save lives directly as a doctor? Do I want to teach others the joy of learning as a professor? Or do I want to do research and develop the modern world as a scientist? I believe this is a much harder question to answer. This gives me a perspective on not only my future jobs and schooling that I have to go through, but what kind of person I want to be and where I want to set my morals.
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