Ever since I was little, I enjoyed my share of time on stage. I had been in countless violin, piano and ballet recitals since I was 5. I enjoyed being in musicals and plays. And I was even a varsity cheerleader. But when I decided to join the speech and debate seminar, that, made my stomach churn over and over. Why I decided to join this seminar, I don’t remember. But I did. And every Tuesday evening was a huge challenge for me.
I knew how to project my voice from cheerleading and I had gotten over stage freight from my many recitals. But public speaking was something else. In speech and debate, we did exercises that helped us speak boldly and confidently, we did mock debates that helped us think quickly on our feet, we also watched speeches to learn tips on public speaking. A whole trimester of these exercises should have helped me get over my fear of public speaking, but I still have it. But I don’t think I didn’t learn anything from this seminar; rather I have a new bit of confidence knowing that I have all the tools of good public speaking somewhere under my belt. Also, I now know that I have a weakness in public speaking and I will constantly try to get better at it.
Another confidence this experience gave me was that I learned how to distinguish what I enjoyed and what was good for me. Because my mom wasn’t there to do it, I had to force myself to go every Tuesday. But after I came back I felt accomplished for even just going. I always had fun at the seminars, so I’m not sure why the next Tuesday I didn’t want to go. After the seminar was over, I feel like overcoming such a challenge helped me mature because I learned that sometimes I need to battle with myself to make myself a better person. I also learned that battles with myself are much harder than with, say my mom, because I could always talk myself out of something. After all, I was only on person and one half of my body could drag the other half to the seminar. Speech and debate was a difficult experience, but I learned so many things, some things unrelated to speech and debate itself.
7.06.2010
A Year of Memories_Extended Weekends
A big part of the NCSSM life is the time spent away from the school, extended weekends. Extendeds happen about every 3 weeks and it is an extended weekend, meaning we get one extra day in our weekend to go home. Every time I got back from an extended the count down to the next extended would begin. And for me, if there was an extended that week, I had an overflow of energy just because I was excited to go home.
Although I loved the weekend with my new friends at NCSSM, family and friends time is always needed. Whenever I came back for the extended weekends, I would either go to a basketball game, go out for movies and ice cream, or just go out to dinner.
Before my first extended I was very nervous that something would be awkward with my friends because I hadn’t seen them in a while. But I’m glad I was proved wrong. When I got back from school I had just enough time to go to the last half of a home football game. I was greeted by my friends and many hugs. I then knew that my friends had not forgotten about me and that we were still best friends. After the game I went to the dance and we all forgot that I now went to a different school. My friends and I got to talk about everything and they constantly asked me for more and more stories about my new school.
After my first extended, I was always excited to go back and see my friends again. Some extendeds I went to watch a movie with my friends, and some weekends they would just come over and talk about every aspect of life. No matter what we did, the fact that I lived 5 hours away was always forgotten. Whenever I came back to school after the extended, I was always thankful for my friends and parents for always being there for me.
Extended weekends. Always too far away, and always too short, but always needed. I cannot even put into words how much excitement extends bring to me, but I know that everyone who has been through NCSSM knows the extended weekend feeling.
Although I loved the weekend with my new friends at NCSSM, family and friends time is always needed. Whenever I came back for the extended weekends, I would either go to a basketball game, go out for movies and ice cream, or just go out to dinner.
Before my first extended I was very nervous that something would be awkward with my friends because I hadn’t seen them in a while. But I’m glad I was proved wrong. When I got back from school I had just enough time to go to the last half of a home football game. I was greeted by my friends and many hugs. I then knew that my friends had not forgotten about me and that we were still best friends. After the game I went to the dance and we all forgot that I now went to a different school. My friends and I got to talk about everything and they constantly asked me for more and more stories about my new school.
After my first extended, I was always excited to go back and see my friends again. Some extendeds I went to watch a movie with my friends, and some weekends they would just come over and talk about every aspect of life. No matter what we did, the fact that I lived 5 hours away was always forgotten. Whenever I came back to school after the extended, I was always thankful for my friends and parents for always being there for me.
Extended weekends. Always too far away, and always too short, but always needed. I cannot even put into words how much excitement extends bring to me, but I know that everyone who has been through NCSSM knows the extended weekend feeling.
7.02.2010
A Year of Memories_Ups and Downs
The next few weeks were the craziest ups and downs I’ve ever been through. After every class I came to my room balling my eyes out ready to go back home. But after every fun activity with my roommates, hallmates and new friends, I got my confidence and excitement back.
Weekends were the best part. There were endless dances and mixers. There were late nights of watching movies and eating ice cream with the girls, early morning expeditions to get coffee, and many exciting things.
Then there were the weekdays. There were still late nights, but usually with textbooks and flashcards. And there were still early mornings, but it was expeditions of rushing to finish homework. I earned my first failing grades these weeks and I also pulled a couple all nighters.
But I also had some of the greatest sense of accomplishments. Whenever I took a test, regardless of the final grade, I felt accomplished. I had studied as much as I could, read as many pages as possible, memorized everything that went into my brain, and I had done my absolute best on the test. After a test, just knowing that I had simply understood the material made me happy.
During these weeks I also realized why I enjoyed learning. It obviously wasn’t because I was good at it; I was no longer an A student. It wasn’t because learning was always fun; sometimes I had to just sit there and read a textbook. I learned that I enjoyed learning because I liked that I could figure out new things on my own, with the help of my teachers, and that I was become more knowledgeable.
I also learned what success was. Or rather, I learned how to define success for myself. I realized that grades, SAT scores, and numbers of volunteer hours weren’t everything. True they are all very important, but I realized that those were all other people’s ratings of success on me. I had to form my own and rate my own success. This led me to set my priorities and think about what truly mattered to me. This was a very humbling experience because I realized that others mattered much more than I did. I realized that sometimes it wasn’t always about how I felt or what I wanted, but how to could be there for my family and friends.
More of what I learned is to come...
Weekends were the best part. There were endless dances and mixers. There were late nights of watching movies and eating ice cream with the girls, early morning expeditions to get coffee, and many exciting things.
Then there were the weekdays. There were still late nights, but usually with textbooks and flashcards. And there were still early mornings, but it was expeditions of rushing to finish homework. I earned my first failing grades these weeks and I also pulled a couple all nighters.
But I also had some of the greatest sense of accomplishments. Whenever I took a test, regardless of the final grade, I felt accomplished. I had studied as much as I could, read as many pages as possible, memorized everything that went into my brain, and I had done my absolute best on the test. After a test, just knowing that I had simply understood the material made me happy.
During these weeks I also realized why I enjoyed learning. It obviously wasn’t because I was good at it; I was no longer an A student. It wasn’t because learning was always fun; sometimes I had to just sit there and read a textbook. I learned that I enjoyed learning because I liked that I could figure out new things on my own, with the help of my teachers, and that I was become more knowledgeable.
I also learned what success was. Or rather, I learned how to define success for myself. I realized that grades, SAT scores, and numbers of volunteer hours weren’t everything. True they are all very important, but I realized that those were all other people’s ratings of success on me. I had to form my own and rate my own success. This led me to set my priorities and think about what truly mattered to me. This was a very humbling experience because I realized that others mattered much more than I did. I realized that sometimes it wasn’t always about how I felt or what I wanted, but how to could be there for my family and friends.
More of what I learned is to come...
7.01.2010
A Year of Memories_First Day of Class
Tuesday morning I got up and put on the outfit I had carefully planned the night before. Today was another day of first impressions. First day of class!
My first class, Junior Student life. After a round of name games and introductions, we went over the syllabus. We were going to do some readings, journal entries, and a final project. This class seemed pretty straightforward. I knew I could handle it just fine.
After class I raced off to find my next classroom. Watts 055? American Studies was a joint class of US History and Junior English. We were given a syllabus and went over how the class would work and what assignments were due when. We also played a name game to learn each other’s names. Our class was full of dynamic people and both of our professors were very enthusiastic. This made me excited too.
Next was chorale. I was slightly nervous because it had been a while since my last chorus class, but quickly got over it. We went over a few warm ups, learned correct posture and breathing, and got some music that we would perform later on. Our director was very easy going and had very original ideas. This class would be very fun, I already knew.
Then came lunch. I ate with my hall mates and talked about our classes so far. This was just like my old school. I could manage this new life
Afterwards, I grabbed my calculator and went to AP Calculus. When our professor walked in, he handed us the syllabi and began teaching. Teaching? What? We all rushed to get our notebooks out and started scribbling everything down. I soon realized that I understood nothing. I had taken Pre-calculus a while ago, but I couldn’t even follow. Was I in the right class? What was going on? I decided to take as much notes as possible and I would have to learn everything tonight.
I had never struggled in a math class. Feeling dazed and a little less optimistic I walked to AP Chemistry. I had never taken chemistry before... why I was in an AP class? But hopefully I would have some talent in chemistry. When the professor walked in, she handed us the syllabi, quickly went through how the class would work and started a power point. Mass and matter, check. SI units, check. Sigfigs... whats that? Nomenclature, no! go back! I stopped taking notes and just sat there. Words flowing in one ear and out the other. I had 20 minutes left. 20 long minutes of holding back tears.
Why couldn’t I understand? What if I wasn’t smart enough for this place. I would have wasted so much of my parents’ time for just coming here. I didn’t know what to do. After class I ran back to my room and started bawling. This had been the worst first day. And I had already been through 11 others. This is how I started my first day at NCSSM. But, to be continued...
My first class, Junior Student life. After a round of name games and introductions, we went over the syllabus. We were going to do some readings, journal entries, and a final project. This class seemed pretty straightforward. I knew I could handle it just fine.
After class I raced off to find my next classroom. Watts 055? American Studies was a joint class of US History and Junior English. We were given a syllabus and went over how the class would work and what assignments were due when. We also played a name game to learn each other’s names. Our class was full of dynamic people and both of our professors were very enthusiastic. This made me excited too.
Next was chorale. I was slightly nervous because it had been a while since my last chorus class, but quickly got over it. We went over a few warm ups, learned correct posture and breathing, and got some music that we would perform later on. Our director was very easy going and had very original ideas. This class would be very fun, I already knew.
Then came lunch. I ate with my hall mates and talked about our classes so far. This was just like my old school. I could manage this new life
Afterwards, I grabbed my calculator and went to AP Calculus. When our professor walked in, he handed us the syllabi and began teaching. Teaching? What? We all rushed to get our notebooks out and started scribbling everything down. I soon realized that I understood nothing. I had taken Pre-calculus a while ago, but I couldn’t even follow. Was I in the right class? What was going on? I decided to take as much notes as possible and I would have to learn everything tonight.
I had never struggled in a math class. Feeling dazed and a little less optimistic I walked to AP Chemistry. I had never taken chemistry before... why I was in an AP class? But hopefully I would have some talent in chemistry. When the professor walked in, she handed us the syllabi, quickly went through how the class would work and started a power point. Mass and matter, check. SI units, check. Sigfigs... whats that? Nomenclature, no! go back! I stopped taking notes and just sat there. Words flowing in one ear and out the other. I had 20 minutes left. 20 long minutes of holding back tears.
Why couldn’t I understand? What if I wasn’t smart enough for this place. I would have wasted so much of my parents’ time for just coming here. I didn’t know what to do. After class I ran back to my room and started bawling. This had been the worst first day. And I had already been through 11 others. This is how I started my first day at NCSSM. But, to be continued...
6.30.2010
A Year of Memories_First Weekend
After all of my belongings found their new homes in my new room, the “Triple” set off for a long weekend of smiling activities. What I mean is, we attended a number of activities that forced us to smile and make small talk with our new class members. Dances, picnics, ice cream socials, ice breaking activities, and even just time in the cafeteria. All this time was designed for us to meet new people and learn names that we would forget in the next minute.
Thinking back, I wonder how my introverted personality survived that weekend of outgoing hellos. But I have a feeling all of the shyness was left behind because everyone had gone into survival mode. All 320 of us were in a new environment knowing almost no one. We quickly realized that we would have to spend the next two years here, not as just a school, but a home and community. So we would all have to find our niches, no outcasts. So we all fought to find friends. Small talk became under cover interviews and we weeded through the other 319 students to find our best friend.
While trying to find our friends, we also had to sell ourselves. In a matter of minutes, we had to show the other person how great of a person we were. This weekend was full of first impressions. And we all did our best to make them good impressions. This caused us to really figure out who we were. In order to sum up our best traits in 5 minutes, we had to know what our good qualities were. We also had to figure out what types of friends we wanted because our friends took part in defining us.
Although this weekend was hectic and scattered, many of us learned one of the most important things, who we are and how we define ourselves. For me this was a huge confidence boost because I realized I was in control of my life. I learned that I was capable of deciding what type of person I wanted to be and changing myself, for the better.
Thinking back, I wonder how my introverted personality survived that weekend of outgoing hellos. But I have a feeling all of the shyness was left behind because everyone had gone into survival mode. All 320 of us were in a new environment knowing almost no one. We quickly realized that we would have to spend the next two years here, not as just a school, but a home and community. So we would all have to find our niches, no outcasts. So we all fought to find friends. Small talk became under cover interviews and we weeded through the other 319 students to find our best friend.
While trying to find our friends, we also had to sell ourselves. In a matter of minutes, we had to show the other person how great of a person we were. This weekend was full of first impressions. And we all did our best to make them good impressions. This caused us to really figure out who we were. In order to sum up our best traits in 5 minutes, we had to know what our good qualities were. We also had to figure out what types of friends we wanted because our friends took part in defining us.
Although this weekend was hectic and scattered, many of us learned one of the most important things, who we are and how we define ourselves. For me this was a huge confidence boost because I realized I was in control of my life. I learned that I was capable of deciding what type of person I wanted to be and changing myself, for the better.
6.29.2010
A Year of Memories_Move-In Day
On August 15 at 9 am. My parents and I were sitting in our car packed with boxes, clothes and endless plastic bags. We were stalling in the parking lot waiting for the “okay” to start unloading. Once the “okay” came, we started taking all of my belongings to the 2nd Bryan, my new “home”. I moved into a tiny room with two other girls, Annie and Grace. When I first saw them in the midst of all the bags and paper towels, I never even fathomed how close we would become, and how important they would become to me. For now, we were focused on finding a place for all of our belongings and making everything fit. After my parents helped me hang my clothes and build the last bookshelf, it was time for them to leave.
I had planned that I wouldn’t cry, since it would be like summer camp. I would see them in 3 weeks when I went home, and I could video chat with them whenever I wanted to. But when I walked them to the elevator and gave the final hugs, something felt weird inside. I was actually moving out of the house now. Even though I would go back for breaks, this new place would now be my “home” for the next year. Whether it was that feeling, or tears in my mom’s eyes, I felt a bubble growing in my throat so I decided to leave as quickly as possible. A quick hug for my mom, and an encouraging pat on the back from my dad, and they left.
After my parents went down the elevator, there were a few tears, but I remembered that I had to walk into a room, my room, with two other girls in it and I had to act mature. I had to prove to them, and myself, that I could handle moving out. And after all, the next few weeks would be full of first impressions and I was determined to make good ones.
5.31.2010
Final Exams
One of the most different things, as a high school, about NCSSM is that we have finals week much like a college. For a whole week, actually 4 days, there are nothing but exams and study periods. The exams are spaced out to three a day, and if you get lucky, you get one whole free day to do nothing! -- I mean, to study!--
First trimester, finals week was terrible. Obviously. 4 days of non stop cramming and testing is not appealing for anyone. I remember one day I even had a melt down and cried on the phone with my mom for a couple minutes. NCSSM academics is just so fast paced that trying to study for a whole trimester's worth of material is very overwhelming. And then there were the seniors. The seniors loved finals week. Because finals week means extra good food, no classes, no homework, sleep-ins, good food, and really good food. As a first trimester junior, I couldn't understand how they were studying and relaxing at the same time. I felt so unprepared and felt like I had wasted a whole trimester, and they felt so free and were excited to start the next trimester.
This week is finals week. And I am now a third trimester junior. After 2 tries, I have finally learned how to not have a melt down during finals week. The secret? Not falling behind during the trimester. And learning to calculate your predicted class grade before and after the exam.
We are two days into finals week and I am doing just fine. Of course there is that stressful, "I'm going to fail" feeling a couple hours before the exam, however, I feel much more prepared. As I study, rather than realizing how much I've missed in class due to daydreaming, I feel more and more confident about how much I actually know the material. This confidence has allowed me to slack off... slightly, and I should get back to studying, but it has also allowed me to keep from stressing out. The biggest thing I learned about finals, is that it is not just another way for teachers to torture you. Final exams are a way to prove to your professor how much you've learned. Knowing that before the trimester you knew nothing about the subject, and now knowing every detail about it, should be quite rewarding. Now back to studying to keep my record of a meltdown-less finals week...
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